Sunday, March 1, 2009


My daughter and I are in film, and I’m not sure how we got wrapped up in it.

Though my daughter is a video producer and scriptwriter, that’s not the type of film I’m referring to. The film I’m talking about is sort of like the clingy plastic a guy wanted to wrap me with, but it’s not that tight. It’s grimy, attracts smells, and reduces transparency, like Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

It’s the film that accumulates on our windows, walls, and doors. Even my backyard neighbor has offered his window-cleaning apparatus when he sees too much grime building up. Where does it come from?

Our carpet and furniture are at least 15 years old, so all their formaldehyde and chemical outgassing occurred years ago. We haven’t run the gas log fireplace insert all season, and our window coverings are ancient. We don’t even buy new clothes.

When I cook, I use the fan and Clarity, our air purifier, and give her a new charcoal filter when I think she needs changing. We have at least 38 potted plants in our home, many of which are on NASA’s clean air study list.* We don’t allow smoking on our property, and we don’t expel flatus. Well, Shiloh the Labradog does.

To deal with this pervasive problem, I have tried Windex-style cleaners, Murphy Oil Soap, and vinegar water. I’ve even sprayed my peppermint water on walls and wiped them clean.

But today I came up with a miraculous, new formula! On a cloth that did not contact a dryer sheet, I unscientifically poured the right amount of vinegar and a sufficient quantity of rubbing alcohol. I then rubbed it on my big living room window, and voilĂ !

Now my backyard neighbor can watch me dance much more clearly.

copyright © 2009 by Auntie Eartha. All rights reserved.

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