Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Big Blue and Raising the Belly Button

I quite enjoy my work as a copyeditor and writer. But, as with any trade or profession, it has its downside: sitting.

Sitting is something I don’t do well for very long without wine or duct tape. I was raised in the Midwest with physically hardworking parents, and reading was not a part of their repertoire. Sitting too long meant you were lazy, unless, of course, you were watching football. I was lucky to be able to read a cereal box while eating.

I imagine I would have had much better grades had I learned to sit, read, and study. But since 2003, I have acquired a taste for all three. That year I added editing to my stable of salable skills, rather than giving it out for free. My work is peaceful, educational, and time efficient. And what’s best: I am paid to find mistakes and help a book become more clear, cohesive, and readable. When I offered these services to my former husband, he never paid me…with money.

One hint publishers offer is, when editing, take frequent breaks, get fresh air, and eat a large dark chocolate bar. That way you will do your best work—quicker. I have another idea to keep one’s body from succumbing to inactivity, aside from asking your partner to come home for lunch: change seats and positions.

Changing positions sprinkles spice into life. Some days I do it on the sofa, other days at the dining room table. Sometimes I’ll stand next to the island, then later move to a comfy living room chair. But my newest position is sitting on George my neighbor’s big blue ball with my iBook on a chair. My back bathes in the sun’s warmth while the screen sits in the dark.

After almost a week of working in this new position, I checked myself out after a shower and thought, just maybe, my belly button was higher than it was the week before. Sitting on the ball forced my body to stay erect and, therefore, to develop firmness.

God did not bless me with a flat stomach—ever. And I’m still a little hurt about that. Even my friend since eighth grade, George (not blue-ball George), wrote to me recently, “As for the stomach? Yes, you always had one. Depending on the day and time of month, it was there, in different framework. But still there.”

Oh, and he threw this one in: “You always had little boobs.”

And now, my friend, I have a belly button that is reaching them.

4 comments:

  1. Blue balls! ROFLMAO!

    You didn't always have little boobs either.

    I've never had a flat stomach and I gave up worrying about it years ago. Everyone just has to make the best of what they have, not get fixated on some sort of "ideal" that very few people seem to have. Of course the people who are obese are not even trying to make the best of what they have, and unless there is some underlying medical reason it's typically a sign of laziness. Not always physical laziness either, but a lack of mental discipline.

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  2. OMG,
    I never knew that you had such a severe condition of hemorrhoids that you could sit on them. And look at them and how long you have been sitting there....they are blue. Hon, go get yourself the industrial economy sized bottle of Preparation H and get a real close friend to rub that stuff all over it a couple times a day. It won't make them permanently smaller but they will feel better. The only downside I can think of is you will need to buy a chair to sit on....HA-HA-HA.
    It's my birthday, I can say what I want and get away with it.
    Love,
    George

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  3. hey


    Just saying hello while I read through the posts


    hopefully this is just what im looking for looks like i have a lot to read.

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  4. Hello dude!

    It is my first time here. I just wanted to say hi!

    ReplyDelete

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