Thursday, January 31, 2008
NordicTracks and Prostheses
(Puzzle piece number 8 of 38.)
On this, I would like your input, please.
After you sweetly and tenderly boot your former partner’s physical existence out of your life, what do you do with the leftovers?
I’m not talking specifically about food or social diseases, though these days, a social disease could be quite the serious hangover. But today I’m talking about material stuff, which a lot of us have way too much of (one of Auntie’s pet peeves).
Allow me to paint a couple impressionistic to realistic pieces: You cast a gaze upon your mantle and view a photo of the happy, little, ignorant couple, and it makes you cringe, then rip! Leafing through paperwork, you uncover a love note, causing you to emit a groan, then you get sick, then rip some more! Or maybe you’re a toughie, and you force a laugh. Ha!
You head over to the fridge, hoping to find some satisfaction for your belly and what do you see? your former’s favorite beer or wine or sparkling water. As you’re rolling your eyes, you spot a hole in the wall where a nail once held another cruddy Kodak moment.
Why couldn’t I have attracted a stray cat rather than a skunk? ’Cause I’d miss the cat if it split.
So you tootle through your place to locate some spackling compound to fill the hole in the wall and your head, and you spot Former’s cordless drill set in the garage. The least he could’ve done is left charged batteries.
You’re too annoyed to read a book, so you decide to do a load of wash and listen to the new Eagles Long Road out of Eden CD, repeatedly listening to the instrumental “I Dreamed There Was No War,” yet feeling like starting one. When you’re putting the warm, dry clothes away, out fall Former’s socks and undies, apparently tossed into the laundry basket preboot.
That’s it for leftovers! What am I gonna do with all this stuff? Burn it in the fire pit? It’s a novel way to meet fireguys and firegals.
You can toss, rip, recycle, or exchange stuff, like the person him- or herself. But what do you do with big things, like a grand piano, a NordicTrack clothes tree, or a prosthetic leg?
My best guy friend (BGF) had his leg removed because of cancer and tried a prosthesis, which never fit him quite right, so he quit using it.
“What did you do with it?” I asked him one day over 20 years later.
“Oh, I left it at a former girlfriend’s house…in her closet.”
“And what did she do with it?”
“I don’t know. I never talked to her again.”
Therein lies the dilemma. Once departed, returning for anything seems unlikely.
So what do you suppose this former girlfriend did with my BGF’s temporary extension. Craigslist and eBay didn’t exist back then. Did she have a garage sale?
What would you do with big leftovers?
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